Have you ever betrayed someone's confidence? Has anyone ever betrayed you? (Chris Larabee)

[thekristeen.livejournal.com]

Anybody gets to be my age, he's known a share of betrayals, both coming and going. Anyone says he hasn't is either lying or denying it to himself. Not much he can do about being betrayed, except maybe never trusting anyone at all. That's a lonely way to live. As for betraying someone else...man has to find a way to live with it if he's going to keep to his code, keep his honor, even if it's just for himself. He has to find a way to see that what he did was for the best...if he can.

Sometimes he can't.

There was a long time that the only way I could see to live was through the bottom of a shot glass. I wasn't just betraying years of friendship when I drove Buck out of my life, because just seeing him reminded me too much of what I'd lost. Must have been a real bastard then to make a man like Buck walk away. It wasn't until I was at the bottom of that hell that I realized what was worse. I had betrayed Sarah, everything she taught me about living. She would've kicked my ass if she'd seen what I'd done to myself, to Buck, trying to forget my grief by wallowing in it. That was...what I guess you'd call the end of the beginning. Had a long way to go to see the light again, but it was never so dark again, either.